I hated maternity leave. There I said it. In fact I hated it so much that when my daughter was 5 days old we went out of the house to a mom and baby class.
Now I realize any of the sentences above would scare some moms. How could you hate bonding time with your baby? How could you take your newborn baby out of the house after only 5 days??
Let me explain – for some mother’s maternity is not a fairytale where you stay at home and just cuddle with your new baby. For some it is and honestly, I’m jealous because that is exactly what I thought it would be. But my experience was anything but. I had been broken into a million pieces. These doctors had sent
me home to make sure this tiny bundle survived. Excuse me? Um what? Impossible. I go to work and help my husband on the farm. I only am responsible for myself. I don’t know anything about raising this tiny human.
Shocked. Confused. Scared. Excited. Worried. All the feelings. And the days were all the same. Each day it was all about baby. My new instant identity was mom. Baby caretaker. Everything she needed came before me. My mind raced trying to figure out who I was now. What was my place. What was my purpose. It seemed so foggy because as I said, I had been shattered into a million pieces.
Life just seemed to go on for the world around me. People still went to work. Routines on the farm didn’t changed, but I changed. My routine changed and I was pretty much at home. Stuck.
And for all those reasons I was ready to be done with maternity leave. Go back to something that resembled a normal life. A life I knew how to do.
And now life has continued and I have been through two other maternity leaves. And I don’t know what to do with myself without kids now. Times change. Things change. We figure out how to do this thing called life.
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