Caring for Calves and Kids

It was September 3, 2016. That was the day I found out I wasn’t a baby person.

            You all are probably thinking wow! How can you remember such a specific date when I can’t even remember what I had for breakfast?

            Well, I can tell you how I know it was the first day I was home with my first child. Ben had to go back to work on the farm. He thankfully had been with me the two days in the hospital. He walked out of the house to go to chores and there I was. Left all alone. Just me and this tiny little baby. She couldn’t talk. She couldn’t play. She couldn’t interact or even smile at me. All she did was eat, sleep and poop. And you never knew when she was going to do any of it. So for someone who loves checking off her to-do list it was hard to start anything for fear of being interrupted by this new thing in my house. So honestly, I was a bit crippled by that.

            The days kept going and she was a terrible eater and wouldn’t latch at all. So here’s how the days went one after another: Ellie wakes up crying because she’s hungry. Falls asleep eating so she doesn’t get as much as she should. I go pump because they said if she can’t latch you need to pump when she eats to mimic it for your body. (Man was all of that wrong, but that’s another story.) Then I had to wash all of the parts, get the milk put away and a bottle ready to go for her next feeding. I lay my head down for no more than 45 minutes at a time. Yup, only 45 minutes at a time could I sleep before I was in charge of this baby.

            This cute, little thing that was just a tiny human, but they couldn’t laugh or smile or share in my stories or walk or talk or anything, but eat, sleep and poop. It was just not what I expected with a baby. It was so much lonelier than I had imagined.

            My husband was gone from 3 a.m. to 7 or 8 p.m. And it was just me. Just me and the baby. And I didn’t like it.

            Now years later I have a 9, 7, and 4 year old and just like all the moms told me it does get better. I also now know that I had Postpartum Depression. After Ellie was 6 weeks old, I saw her smile at me. She recognized me and that personality has just grown over the years. Watching her learn to crawl, walk, laugh, tell a story, sing a song and so much more! Those first few weeks and even years were tough and I know three kids later I am not a baby person. I much prefer when they are older and guess what? That’s okay!

            We all don’t have to love every phase of having kids. Each brings its own challenges and opportunities. So don’t worry if you’re not a baby person. Don’t worry if you disagree with my post. Each mom is different and that’s okay. You’re doing an amazing job!