Caring for Calves and Kids

Before I ever became a mom, I had this picture in my head of what kind of mom I would be. I wouldn’t yell at my kids. I would teach them right from wrong. I wouldn’t say “Because I said so.” I would always tell them the truth. I would be a happy mom. And the list goes on and on. But you know what, like many moms that’s not exactly how it’s turned out. Some of that picture perfect motherhood is there, but there was one thing I didn’t even know about until after my first was born – postpartum depression.

Did you know it happens to 1 in 4 women? Shocker I know! I never realized it was so common or even what it was and how it could make you feel. Having my first child brought the biggest shock to my system ever. It was so overwhelming, breastfeeding wasn’t happening (even though that’s supposed to be easy). Sleep wasn’t happening – did you know newborns only sleep like 3 hours at a time? No one told me that when talking about  motherhood or what pumping was and how much stress that was. Man! There was a lot that had happened in the first few days of motherhood for me.

            It left me feeling really low. Like I just wanted to send my daughter back to the hospital, totally unharmed and safe, but just wanting my “normal” life back without her in it. Horrible I know, but it’s what I felt. I was a mom only getting 45 minutes of sleep at a time if I was lucky, a wife to a full time dairy farmer, and far away from either set of grandparents. It was tough!

            On day 4 I clearly remember my husband sitting on the couch listening to me say all these crazy things like sending her back to the hospital. He said something I’ll never forget, “You’re not crazy. I don’t know how to fix it, but I’ve been there and you’re not crazy.” Wow, that just hit me that something might really be wrong for me. Within that same conversation he encouraged me to go to a Postpartum Depression (PPD) group the next day to talk to other mothers who likely felt the same way.

            So on day 5 I ventured out of the house with a newborn by myself to a mother’s class. There were about 10 ladies with kids ranging in ages from mine who was 5 days old to those who were 2 years old. They all had felt the same feelings I had. They told me it was totally normal.

            Again – I had no idea how common it was. I went each week for all 6 weeks of my maternity leave and stayed in contact with those women because they were a great support group. And as I have added 2 more kiddos to my family, a support system and a little pill each night is what helps get me through each day. Am I cured? Nope. Does it take a lot of work to be a mom? Yep. Am I a terrible mom because I have PPD? Absolutely not. In fact, here are 3 things I’ve learned about being a mom with PPD.

1. It’s totally okay to not be okay. Read that again. It’s totally okay not to be okay. Whether you just have the baby blues and are doing a lot better after your hormones have evened out or you tend to have this new side of you the rest of life, you are allowed to have good and bad days. It will happen to us all. No entire motherhood is all good and perfect days (expect maybe in a Disney story 😉).
2. Ask for help. There are some days my anxiety and depression are running high and my kids seem to find all the right buttons for me too. That’s when I call my husband, which is sometimes hard to have him get away from the farm, or I call my mom, or one of my girlfriends, or my sister to come give me a break. It’s truly best for me and my kids because it gives us each a break to calm down and stop feeding off of each other’s high emotions.
3. Do what you need to do because this is all more common than you think. Never in my wildest dreams did I think I would be a mom taking a pill each night to be a better mom. But you know what, I know for me, it is what I have to do to be the best mom I can be. Sometimes it’s therapy. Sometimes it’s yoga, walking, meditation, etc. You need to find what’s best for you.

No matter what, God chose you to be their mom because he knew you would be the best person for the job and isn’t that just amazing?